9 Reasons you are feeling unfulfilled and what to do about it

Dear Sweet Friends,

Are you feeling unfulfilled, although you have achieved many or all the things you thought you needed to have that ideal or successful life? We have observed this predicament as we get older and witness many people make tremendous strides and accomplishments in their personal and professional lives. However, even after all those accomplishments, they still feel like something is missing, and they engage in this perpetual state of always wanting, seeking, and striving for more. 

Many are chasing this feeling of self-fulfillment seemingly without understanding what fulfillment looks and feels like to them. For example, we found that if you ask many individuals how much money they would need to feel fulfilled, they usually don’t have an answer to this question. We also found that many individuals are so focused on achieving more that they have not slowed down or stopped to realize how far they have come or even acknowledge that the same goal they struggled to achieve years past they have now accomplished them.

This post will explain why we believe so many people feel unfulfilled and will offer some suggestions on how to overcome this feeling.

What is Self-Fulfillment?

Oxford Languages define self-fulfillment as “the achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted or satisfaction or happiness as a result of fully developing one’s abilities or character.”

The Psychology Behind Self-Fulfillment-Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs:

According to Maslow, “we have five categories of needs: physiological, safety, love, esteem, and self-actualization. To better understand what motivates human beings, Maslow proposed that human necessities can be organized into a hierarchy. This hierarchy ranges from more concrete needs like food and water to abstract concepts such as self-fulfillment. According to Maslow, when a lower need is met, the following need on the hierarchy becomes our focus of attention”(Thought.co).

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs provides a framework for what we need to achieve some semblance of balance and fulfillment. In addition to this framework, we believe it is essential to acknowledge that as we grow, evolve, and change with life and its circumstance, our needs, wants, perspectives, and mindset will also evolve and change as well. What we define as true happiness, success, and fulfillment as young adults may not be the same as we age.

9 Reasons You Are Feeling Unfulfilled

If you have met most or even all your goals and still feel unfulfilled, here are 9 reasons we have identified why so many adults feel unfulfilled.

1. Living Life on Autopilot

What does it mean to live life on autopilot? “Being on autopilot means mindless doing. As a result, things happen to us — and not the other way around” (Thrive Global). Coupled with what many call the proverbial “rat race“, living life on auto-pilot may result in dissatisfaction and feeling unfulfilled.

When you live life on autopilot, you may find yourself in this cycle of working to live instead of living to work. You may start your day on autopilot, first by going through the motion of doing what you need to do to get out of the house and head to work. Then, you work and may engage in some after-work social activities or tend to family and other personal responsibilities.

By the end of the day, you are exhausted and depleted, you head to bed, and the next day you wash, rinse and repeat this routine for the duration of your adulthood. This routine becomes a mindless myriad of tasks and busyness with no room to pause and contemplate how you feel or whether this routine and long To Do List fulfills you. 

You are not alone, there are many people who are living on auto-pilot, which results in either not having the time or taking the time to tune in to their feelings. They are mindlessly moving through life, continuously feeling like something is missing or lacking. They are accomplishing their goals, ticking all the boxes, yet they still feel unfulfilled. We found in many of these cases, these individuals have yet to pause to do two critical things, and that is, (1) Ask themselves two important questions, (i) Why are they unsatisfied? and (ii) What will bring them satisfaction? and (2) taking time to celebrate their achievement and how far they have come.

The autopilot mode of experiencing life is one of the biggest impediments to self-fulfillment. Living with more intention is one way to overcome living life on autopilot. Intentional living does not occur overnight. It takes practice and changes in behavior; however, it is a remedy to this auto-pilot lifestyle that is worth taking. If you believe you have succumbed to living life on autopilot, check out this article.

2. Not Taking time to celebrate their wins

Not celebrating their wins is closely linked to living life on autopilot. Many people have a broad view of what will bring them fulfillment. Some of their views of self-fulfillment may be the product of societal influence versus their own personal definition of self-fulfillment. The journey to self-fulfillment usually starts with a destination in mind, for example, “I want a promotion to X position by X year,”‘ I want to be married and have children by X age, I want to pay off my debt by X time, and the list of goals go on.

Yet, some adults found that even if they accomplish their goals and reach their destination, they still may not feel the fulfillment they sought. Instead, they tend to find themselves still experiencing similar insecurities as they did before achieving their goals and reaching their destination. 

Whether small or large, celebrating your wins provides you time and space to practice gratitude, compassion, and appreciation towards yourself. In addition, it gives you time for introspection. It slows you down enough to be intentional and self-aware versus being on the endless journey of seeking. Therefore, Sweet Friends, give yourself permission to pause and celebrate your big or small wins. You may realize in these celebratory moments, you are experiencing self-fulfillment.

3. Lack of clarity as to what happiness means to them

Daniel Gilbert discussed the science of happiness in his Ted Talk many years ago. He stated that what makes humans unique is their brains have a prefrontal cortex that serves as an experience simulator. As a result of the ability to create experiences without needing them to occur, it also allows us to synthesize happiness. Synthetic happiness helps us change our view of the world in a way that would make us feel better about our world, as opposed to Natural Happiness, which is a result of always getting what we want.

In this talk, Gilbert also noted that humans have impact bias, a tendency to overestimate the pleasant impact of future events. We can relate to this feeling! Initially, we are ecstatic, when we get a new item we’ve always wanted or accomplish a long-term goal, but give it a few weeks or months, and that feeling fades. Our overall contentment with life is unchanged.

So how do we try to nurture and maintain this state of happiness? First is to acknowledge that happiness is fleeting and that life’s journey is filled with ups and downs. There will be periods when happiness is replaced or overshadowed by periods of sadness, which is okay. That is reality! Consider the juxtaposition between happiness and sorrow; that philosophical question comes to mind here, and that is, how can we gauge what true happiness is without some experiences of sadness? The second suggestion is to slow down and explore and define what makes you happy, from the simplest things that bring you daily joy to the aspirational ones. 

Journal Prompt: 

What are the experiences and/or tangibles/things that make you happy?

4. Chasing someone else’s definition of success

Society (family, friends, the media, etc.) has dictated what it means to be fulfilled and successful. Unfortunately, many of us have bought into this very narrow definition of what success looks like. Whether it is achieving the “American Dream” or the “ideal” family, financial and professional status, society is instrumental in crafting and influencing what success looks like to us. If we meet their standard of success, it promises happiness and fulfillment.

Many of us accepted society’s definition and imagery of success without questioning and contemplating whether these experiences or things will individually bring each of us true satisfaction. Unfortunately, many people have chased these experiences and things to end up feeling still insecure and unfulfilled. In our journey to achieve, we may have lost sight of our true north star or have yet to ask ourselves what success means to us individually. Take some time to pause, assess, and define what success means to you.

Journal Prompt: 

What does success feels like and look like to you?

5. Comparison to others

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” In the era of social media, this experience has been so prevalent and damaging. Many of us are so busy consuming, following others’ highlight reels, and comparing ourselves to these curated versions of real life we lose sight of our own journey and joy.

One piece of advice our Dad shared when we were younger was to focus on our journey. He emphasized not to envy anyone for what they have and where they are in life because we genuinely do not know what they had to do or endure to obtain it and what they are doing to maintain it. We have heard many stories of individuals who seem to have their lives together on the outside, but in reality, their lives are in shambles. Our Dad’s life lesson has served us to this day, and we want to share it with you. 

6. Lack of meaningful relationships

Before you think we are about to tell you to be more social and meet many people, we are not. A significant relationship can be built and nurtured with one or more people. You may need multiple connections or are quite content with your one or two besties. We all have different ideas of what type of relationships are meaningful and how many will fulfill our lives. 

Even if you consider yourself an introvert and enjoy your alone time, there are positive benefits of relationships. Having even one healthy relationship with another individual can be a key to self-fulfillment and change how you feel about your life. In addition, many studies show a direct correlation between social relationships, physical health, and increased mortality. Hence taking the time to develop a relationship with even one individual will provide self-fulfillment and other benefits in the long- term.

7. Lack of Perspective & Gratitude

Lack of self-fulfillment sometimes results from a lack of perspective. Lack of perspective tends to come from the isolation of self and thought or sameness, not knowing or dealing with people outside your close social network. We all have to bear our own burden; however, it may feel so much heavier when the only perspective and experience we have to compare it against is our own experience or people close to us. We acknowledge that each person’s discontent and burden are relative. We cannot and should not negate how someone is feeling and experiencing life.

However, we find that when people take the time to look outside themselves, whether through helping others or engaging with others from different backgrounds, they tend to experience a change in perspective. This change in attitude transforms how they view their discontent and alleviate the stress and burden that comes with this discontent and burden. 

One way we suggest you take steps to gain perspective is through volunteerism. Another way is to practice gratitude. Robert T. Bennett stated that we should “be grateful for what you already have, while you pursue your goals. If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you will be happy with more.”

The practice of gratitude is critical because it’s a constant reminder of what is good in your life, no matter how small, something as simple as sitting quietly and being able to have a cup of tea in the morning. For many of us, it is not easy to focus on the positive; this is why it is a practice. Practicing gratitude is an act that may require a daily commitment before it becomes second nature, but in the long run, it will be so worth it!

Journal Prompt: 

What are 3 things you are grateful for?

8. You are not prioritizing your Physical and Mental health

When we researched the 7 dimensions of wellness, physical and mental are vital components. It is challenging to have a sense of fulfillment and happiness if we are not caring for both. And yes, it is easier to say than do. But we can all agree on how vital regular exercise, restful sleep, eating healthy, and finding different tools to manage our mental health is to our well-being. You may only need to improve one of these areas, or you may have to improve all, and either can be overwhelming, but the key is to start.

Take the first step to tend to your physical and mental well-being, and you may find the momentum build from that one step. A wellness journey does not have to be overwhelming; it could be as little as walking an extra 500 steps, adding a glass of water to your daily intake, or spending as little as 5 minutes to journal or meditate. Although the process may be slow, it will be more sustainable in the long- term. 

9. Over-reliance on external factors

Linking our self-worth and values to external factors, such as our achievements and material possessions, is the last reason we believe many adults feel unfulfilled. Many adults link their profession, assets, and many other external factors to their self-worth, and that can be problematic if external factors are the only things they believe can bring them self-fulfillment.

Lasting fulfillment comes from within, being accepting and loving of the person you are, and learning to recognize and embrace the simple joys we experience at all stages of our journey. This, my Sweet Friends, is a major antidote to feeling unfulfilled. Above all of the other reasons detailed in this post, we believe this is the most important practice you can engage in. Detaching ourselves from our achievements and material possession and making peace with who we are in the here and now can be freeing and fulfilling.

Final Thoughts

It is essential to understand that a fulfilling life is different for each person, and fulfillment may look and feel different at various stages of life. Practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace as you explore, dissect, and analyze why you feel unfulfilled is equally important. Becoming self-aware and intentional about our needs and wants as we move through this life is vital to our self-fulfillment.

Checking in with ourselves throughout this journey to determine whether our pursuits genuinely satisfy us is one way to actively and intentionally evaluate how we feel about where we are going and the choices we are making. In addition, reassessing our needs as we achieve each goal and meet each milestone is also a valuable tool in this journey to self-fulfillment. This exercise is a powerful tool in our transformation to becoming secure and self-fulfilled.

Have a wonderful day, Sweet Friends!

Sweet Lyfe Daily

Please share with us other ways you overcome feeling unfulfilled?